A Job Well Done

Perhaps you recall the old cartoons where the Coyote is chasing the Roadrunner and is so intent on the chase and moving so fast that, when he runs off the end of a cliff, he keeps traveling for several feet. Seeing what has happened, he hangs in midair for moment as the realization hits him, then he plummets toward the canyon floor.
Parenting is a 24 hour a day, 7 days a week job most of which is unappreciated and unnoticed. Taking that tiny, squalling, purple thing that appears in the hospital one day and growing and molding it into a fully functional and happy adult human being takes a tremendous amount of energy- physical, emotional, and mental. It is trying, draining, and thankless. For eighteen years and then some every thought, every decision, every act centers around the child as they must be the first and foremost consideration. When you work, you work to care for them. When you play, you play to spend time with them. As they get older they require less physical effort but vastly more mental effort. Things go into overdrive as college grows near as you help them choose a school, fill out applications, prepare for standardized tests, and figure out how the Hell you are going to pay for it all.
Then, all of a sudden, it's over. In the space of a day, an hour, just a fleeting minute you give them that final bit of parental wisdom and hug and they are gone into a life that does not involve you on a daily basis. No more picking up their socks from the living room floor, no more throbbing music shaking the fillings out of your teeth, no more constant jangling of the phone and a house filled with assorted teenagers. You don't have to feed them, wash their clothes, or deal with the fallout of whatever is impacting their emotions at a given moment. They don't need you any longer. You have run off the cliff.
When the child starts college, there are welcome weeks and orientations and all sorts of programs and events designed to help them ease into their new lives. Who is there to orient the parent and to ease them into their new life? As come to the realization that we have run out of cliff, who is there to tell us where to hit and what to do when we get there?
I realize this does not seem to be a problem. Suddenly being able to live one's life for one's self instead of someone else would appear to be the ultimate freedom. I can go , do, be whatever I want with no one to tell me different. But I am a dad. It's what I do, what I have done for the past 18 years half of those with no one else's help. It is my craft, my work, my avocation- and, now, the job is done. My tools are useless, the things I have learned are meaningless, and all of the experience I have gained is not good for anything.
My role has changed. I am like Vito Corleone handing the reigns of the family over to Michael and moving into the background as consigliore. No longer in command, all he could do was give the benefit of his experience and hope his son made the right decisions. I am now in that same role. I no longer command I simply offer my wisdom and hope for the best.
So, as my son starts his new life I move on to mine. For now, the future is a blank slate. I will write upon it what I will. The first thing I am going to do is get a puppy. Not exactly a replacement for a boy, but something I can care for.
If you are a parent, allow me to give you a word of advice. I don't care of your kid is a senior in high school or was born yesterday- savor every moment and do the best you can for him or her because, before you know it and long before you are ready for it, he or she will be out the door and all you will have to cushion the impact on the canyon floor is the satisfaction of a job well done.



posted by The Pendragon at 8/23/2003 01:05:00 PM