Pomp and Circumspect

It's over. The speeches have been given, the awards announced, the names
called as each graduate crossed the stage and the threshold between being a
child and being an adult. Among them was my own son. It was the proudest moments
of my life to see him festooned in cap, gown, and cords, taking his medals and
diploma, and moving his tassel to the other side of his mortarboard.

To be sure, the day was all about him. The accomplishment and the honor were
all his and he deserved his moment in the sun. It has been a harder struggle for
him, perhaps, than most of the others in his class. It is hard enough being a
boy growing up in a cold and heartless world but he had the added burden of
doing so without a mother in his life. 

For the past nine years it has been just him and me- the only child and the
single parent. It has been rough trying to be both mom and dad and to
single-handedly provide discipline, material needs, and nurturing. Like any
parent, I saw failure looming around every corner and spent many a night laying
awake and worrying about what would become of my child. There are so many
pitfalls, so many dangers, so many chances for disaster- everything from drugs
to getting some young woman pregnant, how could even a team of parents keep a
child safe and secure, let alone one man also trying to have a career and a
life? You stumble, you fall, but you keep trying while you hold your breath and
hope for the best.

That's all over for me now. Sure, I will be his father for the rest of his
life. That will never change. I will always hold that sacred and daunting
office, even when his own son or daughter is keeping him awake at night.
However, I have completed the job of  parenting. He is an adult now. He is
not only able to but also responsible for making his own decisions. All I can do
is grit my teeth when I see him making a bad one and be there to do what I can
to repair the damage. But I no longer have to be there day in and day out,
watching over him and guiding him every step of the way. That job is done.

If I do say so myself, it was a damn fine job at that. Not only has he completed
High School, he has also been accepted to the same university I attended and
will be receiving a couple of scholarships. He was planning to petition to
enroll in a professional school, normally done during the Junior year. At
that  time, his grades and other factors would be examined and, if he was
good enough, he would be granted admittance. That's not going to happen now.
Last night, he was notified that he will be one of the first freshmen ever
to be accepted into that professional school.   

The orchestra has played, the caps thrown, and the ceremony has ended. It was
all for him and he earned it. But I earned some honors of my own. I graduated
from being responsible for someone else's life. My diploma is a healthy, happy
son going out into a very bright future that portends nothing but good for him.
I have moved my tassel from  "full time, single parent" to 
just standing by in case he needs me (and supplementing those scholarships with
some checks of my own). There will be no speeches made for me and no formal
recognition of what I have done but, inside my head the orchestra of life is
playing "Pomp and Circumstance"