Tempest in a Toilet

I am sitting here wondering at the bizarre collage that makes up the day’s current events. Of course, the big thing on everyone’s mind is the coming war with Iraq. Another very worrisome story is that of the “mystery flu” that is coming out of Asia. We are all glued to the story of a Elizabeth Smart which started as an all too common account of a young girl being kidnapped and, presumably, killed but has turned into a bizarre tale of love and brain washing. Meanwhile, a man is holding Washington DC, the capitol of the greatest and most powerful nation in the history of mankind, at bay with a . . .tractor.

ll of this and more is rocking our world and is certainly worthy of note. However, there is a much greater threat
looming over mankind than madmen with bombs, biological weapons, crazed kidnappers of children, and hostile farm implements. This threat is insidious and threatens almost all of the civilized world. It is not supposed or theorized, it is proven and real. Restrictions, security, and Tom Ridge have no hope of stopping it because it is already here and it has spread into about 95% of American homes.

It is the common toilet

Go ahead, laugh at me. World leaders are not laughing as they meet to discuss the toilet crisis. This crisis does not exist solely in a global scale. Toilets have attacked people in their own homes. They are not only the sites of criminal activity and perversion, they also aid and abet the perpetrators. Saddam may even be involved in one of the high level toilet-related conspiracies. Sadly enough, just like Saddam, toilets have been responsible for mass murder.

We need to take action nowto control this threat. These plumbed terrorists should be strictly confined so they cannot do as much harm. Governments should take a firm hand in controlling them. Support should be offered to those who have been victimized by the  porcelain terrorists.

If we take these steps and maintain a firm hand in dealing with all forms of water closet warfare, these detriments to society may actually become valuable contributors to and vital members of it instead of being conspirators in lawlessness and murder. They can be rehabilitated, they can be used to improve domestic relations, they can champion the cause of equality, and, in the end, they may become the saviors instead of the banes of society.




posted by The Pendragon at 3/19/2003 11:31:00 AM