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That's Me in the Corner

The holidays are over now. This is the time of year that we go from barreling full tilt through shopping, 

parties, opening gifts, and social occasions into the seemingly motionless doldrums of the post Yule 

season. With nothing to do but wistfully look out the window and wait for the first glimpse of spring, 

what better time is there to be introspective and to think about what you believe and why you believe 

it? This has been on my mind a lot lately. I suppose it is part of my nature to constantly question the 

intangibles and to endlessly reevaluate everything I take "on faith." Primary among these is my 

religion. 

I have always been a spiritual nomad. I wandered the desert of xianity for years, looking for an oasis to 

quench the thirst I had to contact something on a higher plain that might lead me to my higher self. I 

found the waters to be fouled with the idea I was something unclean. I had come for actualization not 

sublimation, so I moved on. Buddhism had some appeal in its esoteric view of the Universe but it was 

"Don't be yourself," which was the antithesis of what I sought. So, once more, I pulled up my tent 

stakes and set out for a new land. Wicca was my next enticement and what an enticement it was. The 

verdant green of magick and the cool breezes of self-reliance seemed to be the path I was looking for. 

The only problem was, the path not go far enough. 

So here I am, trapped in this weird kind of twilight world of religion. If you ask me what my religion is 

I might answer, vaguely, I am a Pagan. But what does that mean? Ah, there's the rub. Is Paganism even 

a religion?

As I mull this over while sipping my mulled cider, my conclusion tends toward "no." When I look to a 

religion, I look first for its ideals. In xianity, the ideal is to become like their god. In Buddhism, it is to 

escape the bounds of material existence and find Nirvana. 

Paganism has no such ideals. It has no lofty goal of turning flesh and blood into clones of the gods. 

There are no aspirations of overcoming and escaping the human circumstance. Rather, it merely says, 

"This is life. Live it as you best see fit." 

As you best see fit? Why, this runs contrary to the very idea of religion itself! Religion presumes that 

we need guidance and direction. It seeks to set goals for us to attain if we wish to become something 

better. Of course, this is based on the assumption that, in our current state, we are something that is not 

to be desired.

What if none of this is true? Has anyone ever really moved up a notch on the scale of sentient beings by 

following the mandates of a religion? From what I can see, it is all directed toward something that 

happens after you leave this mortal plain. This is all very well and good except that I want something 

that produces results now. I want to be happy living my present life, not wasting it pursuing some carrot 

on a stick into the next world.

Which brings us back to Paganism. I now see religion as an evolutionary process. We use it to explore 

and investigate our spiritual nature, looking for the one thing that resonates within us and allows us to 

know our place in the Universe. 

As Webster sees it, a Pagan is "one who has little or no religion and who delights in sensual pleasures 

and material goods: an irreligious or hedonistic person." Perhaps he is right. Or perhaps the Pagan is 

the one who has the ultimate religion in that he has joyously discovered that the meaning of life and the 

source of fulfillment has been there in the mirror all along.